Achieving middle ground in a relationship
Have you given any thought why you are fighting all the time with your partner?
Well if you have thought about you know how many reasons for these heated discussions with your partner hurts you and your partner badly compromising the relationship.
The idea here is presenting 2 ways to understand the reasons behind the discussions, the triggers and how to be/act in a different way after understanding the reasons, that we often ignore or just can't see.
Are you the one who's constantly thinking why this is happening? minor discussions escalating in heated ones happening all the time. Well first of all, congratulations, you are trying to find out what is the problem instead of focusing only on the subject of disagreement.
The major cause for discussions is mainly over each other values and boundaries that have been crossed, turning into aggressive behavior with words and will only end when one gives up from the subject either because he/she knows that isn't going anywhere.
So how do you fix that?
The best way, in my opinion, is putting yourself in their shoes, focusing on how they feel, and from where they are coming from, asking questions to get a better understanding of the whole situation. It's easily said then done right? Well, the tricky part here is not just understanding their point of view, but accepting and feeling what they feel(empathy).
Understanding is the first part, while the second is accepting their feelings of anger, sadness, fury, rage, you call! Even if you feel that doesn't make any sense, why? Well because you are putting yourself in their shoes and trying to feel what they feel and recognizing their feelings, it's not about you anymore, it's about them.
Knowing how they feel, how they see the subject of discussions gives you a better judgment over the situation (You might even discover you were wrong! o.o), being able to see a different point of view (their point of view, not your friends or family), don't judge just listen, by doing that both of you have benefits.
*Your benefits :
- A better understanding of your partner behavior, triggers, feelings, what they are thinking.
- Able to reorganize your thoughts.
- Learn what needs to change.
- Better Listener.
- How to improve yourself (if it's a constructive criticism).
- More empathetic.
- Less discussion, depending on how much understanding you got, you might not even discuss anymore.
* Their benefits :
- Feels understood.
- Feels more connected.
- Can speak their mind without being judged or criticized.
- Be able to vent their frustrations.
- More willing to fix the issue.
You listened to your partner, now it's your time to talk, ask him/her to listen to you too, and let them know from where you are coming from, explain with a passive way your reasons, explain how you felt and how you feel about something.
After both ends said what they have in their minds, and telling each other how they feel instead of supposing, discuss how to reach middle ground based on his/her side and your opinion and work to reach acceptable terms for both of you.
Being able to work differences is how you achieve the middle ground in a relationship.
Achieving middle ground depends on each other values, boundaries, pride and if they hold a grudge. It's a lot of work and commitment to hit the sweet spot in a relationship
Since one is always more willing to do something to work it out, one tends to give more than the other, that's normal, but the ideal is both meetings halfway, to score a successful and happy relationship you have to find the relationship itself close to equal in terms of giving and take. But remember that to work these differences both have to want that, you can commit to avoid heated discussions to work toward a healthy relationship but doesn't depend entirely on you, both have to want and work the differences, one can't do anything while the tango needs two.
Well if you have thought about you know how many reasons for these heated discussions with your partner hurts you and your partner badly compromising the relationship.
The idea here is presenting 2 ways to understand the reasons behind the discussions, the triggers and how to be/act in a different way after understanding the reasons, that we often ignore or just can't see.
Are you the one who's constantly thinking why this is happening? minor discussions escalating in heated ones happening all the time. Well first of all, congratulations, you are trying to find out what is the problem instead of focusing only on the subject of disagreement.
The major cause for discussions is mainly over each other values and boundaries that have been crossed, turning into aggressive behavior with words and will only end when one gives up from the subject either because he/she knows that isn't going anywhere.
So how do you fix that?
The best way, in my opinion, is putting yourself in their shoes, focusing on how they feel, and from where they are coming from, asking questions to get a better understanding of the whole situation. It's easily said then done right? Well, the tricky part here is not just understanding their point of view, but accepting and feeling what they feel(empathy).
Understanding is the first part, while the second is accepting their feelings of anger, sadness, fury, rage, you call! Even if you feel that doesn't make any sense, why? Well because you are putting yourself in their shoes and trying to feel what they feel and recognizing their feelings, it's not about you anymore, it's about them.
Knowing how they feel, how they see the subject of discussions gives you a better judgment over the situation (You might even discover you were wrong! o.o), being able to see a different point of view (their point of view, not your friends or family), don't judge just listen, by doing that both of you have benefits.
*Your benefits :
- A better understanding of your partner behavior, triggers, feelings, what they are thinking.
- Able to reorganize your thoughts.
- Learn what needs to change.
- Better Listener.
- How to improve yourself (if it's a constructive criticism).
- More empathetic.
- Less discussion, depending on how much understanding you got, you might not even discuss anymore.
* Their benefits :
- Feels understood.
- Feels more connected.
- Can speak their mind without being judged or criticized.
- Be able to vent their frustrations.
- More willing to fix the issue.
You listened to your partner, now it's your time to talk, ask him/her to listen to you too, and let them know from where you are coming from, explain with a passive way your reasons, explain how you felt and how you feel about something.
After both ends said what they have in their minds, and telling each other how they feel instead of supposing, discuss how to reach middle ground based on his/her side and your opinion and work to reach acceptable terms for both of you.
Being able to work differences is how you achieve the middle ground in a relationship.
Achieving middle ground depends on each other values, boundaries, pride and if they hold a grudge. It's a lot of work and commitment to hit the sweet spot in a relationship
Since one is always more willing to do something to work it out, one tends to give more than the other, that's normal, but the ideal is both meetings halfway, to score a successful and happy relationship you have to find the relationship itself close to equal in terms of giving and take. But remember that to work these differences both have to want that, you can commit to avoid heated discussions to work toward a healthy relationship but doesn't depend entirely on you, both have to want and work the differences, one can't do anything while the tango needs two.
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