The real question that will change your life.

Everybody wants a better life. Everyone wants a happy and easy life. Fall in love and have a perfect relationship. Become popular and respected. Successful and make tons load of money.




"Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’." - Eckhart Tolle

Who doesn't? Everyone wants more of what feels good since we were born. You once were breastfed, but the moment your mother added sugar to your milk you wanted that instead of the old one, then chocolate milk came, screw milk with sugar.


When you learned to talk you started to ask, what is this? What is that? then you said  "I want this and that", and your parents gave you what you wanted most of the time, but they also gave you what they thought was better for you despite you wanting or not.


Now you have the independence of wanting whatever you want, if I ask you, " What do you want out of life?", and you will say something like " I want to be happy and have a loving family, I want more money so I won't struggle, I want a stunning body." It's such a common answer that doesn't mean anything, everyone wants that.



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A much more interesting question that most don't consider is " What pain are you willing to sustain?" Because that question will determine if you will have what you want in your life.


Everybody wants an amazing job or their own business, but most don't want to work long shifts, work hard for a promotion they long for. they don't want to risk their money and time to open a business afraid of disappointments. People want more money, but they don't want to work harder, they are not willing to sacrifice time and effort to work on their goals, almost like they don't want at all.

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Everyone wants an amazing relationship and great sex, but they don't want to go through the tough conversations, the discussions, awkward silence, the drama, and feelings hurt that's required to be in a relationship. Instead, when the 'bad' things of being in a relationship happen, they break up, start a new relationship and repeat, and what do we hear from them? "Women are all the same, it's impossible to understand them" or " Men are all the same, there is no good man out there". 


If you are hoping to find someone that you will have only great times, well, good luck, just don't forget that friends get tired to hear the same thing over and over again when you are venting out the frustrations of your love life.


"To be happy you have to struggle, to have what you want, you have to work for it. Positive emotions makes you happy, positive emotions are the side effect of handling the negative."


Human needs are similar, it's all about good feelings, who don't want to feel good? But we struggle to get there, therefore, what we got from life is not determined by the good things we desire, but by what pain we are willing to sustain to finally eat that cherry.

You want to lose weight and get fit. But you are not willing to work out, go on a diet and 'suffer' from going to the gym every morning and be stung from muscle pain unless you are 'happy' calculating how many calories you can eat today, having a small size of food even when you are hungry and cursing your friend for having Nutella on a spoon in front of you.


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People want to find a partner, love but they are afraid of going out there, the rejection, too much hassle to talk to her and be kicked out of the game, too much trouble going through the drama and fights, you want that guy to hit on you because you don't have the courage to go to him, you just want to have sex and no complications, then what the hell you want with a human being? Go buy yourself a sex doll or just keep fantasizing.

What determines your success isn't "what you want", what really counts is "what pain are you willing to sustain?"


"People learn from failures, negative experience, not from positive ones."

 Everything has a price, you can't just want without paying. If you want a stunning body, you have to want the pain, the sweat, the resilience to not stop till you can have your desired six packs.

If you just want something and never get close, then maybe you are just idealizing, maybe you just want the fantasy, and you love that, you probably don't really want that at all, you are in love with the image, the result, you just enjoy wanting.

Again, a much better question isn't what you want, but what are you willing to suffer for? You can't reap rewards without going through the process, you either 'suffer' the process and water that tomato plant every day, remove the weed, make sure there are enough sun and shadow, so you can have beautiful tomatoes, the process gave you the tomato you wanted.

Just think about it, we all want something, but it's just more realistic asking yourself if you can sustain that effort to get something than saying what you want. That question can change your life.


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"To get good at life, you have to get good dealing with negative experiences."

Who you are is defined by the values that you are willing to struggle. To you going to a gym every day might feel like a struggle or pain in the ass, but for the fit ones, they love going to the gym, can you see the difference? The negative side effect of you going to the gym will get you fit, and ultimately happy, but for the ones who are fit and love the gym, the entire process makes them happy, it's not just about the result, being there working out is a positive feelings for them, while for you it's a negative thing.

It's easy to want the result, it's hard to want to process, people who are happy and successful wants the whole thing, the start, process, results. The successful people want the results despite liking the whole thing, but they know that to get there they have to go through the pain. The dreamers just fantasize what they want and never do anything.


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