Online dating is a bad experience because of us
Have you ever wondered how hard it's to find someone that we can genuinely be interested while we are swiping left and right on Tinder, OkCupid and coffeemeetsbagel?
If you think about it everyone just wants to dive in online dating, get the best pictures, selfies we have, slam in your profile, open a cutie and swipe to right hoping (secretly), that we have found the perfect partner. Hardly reaches our expectations right? So how you can have a better experience in current dating apps to transform into something more 'meaningful'? Well, it's actually pretty simple, everything meaningful requires's work and a lot of effort.
Okay so let me start talking about the real issue that we currently have with online dating.
They are really good, but we don't know how to fully use the extent of the online dating. Have you ever thought how people used to date before the internet? Cellphone? Well, they went out, met people outdoors, getting to know acquaintances of their known people. So... You are saying that we have to go out to have meet 'meaningful' people? Nooooooooooo! Imagine if your grandmother with 60+ years old joins tinder today, she never used the internet. How do you think she's going to use Tinder? (like everyone else duh), I don't think so, she will be thrilled to be able to connect with so many people at same time, being able to see people from the entire world in a small screen, knowing that she can talk to someone in the other side of the globe will be thrilling to her, don't you think so? She will love to able to talk with someone who speaks a language she only saw at movies, like French, Chinese, Spanish, being able to talk to someone who lives in Greece, talk about art, culture, education of anywhere in the globe, how awesome is that? It's amazing! But we forget that, we actually don't forget that, we just don't care, internet nowadays is a commodity that almost everyone has access, so if we are really interested in something we just pop up our phones and type on google search box, we stopped giving meaning to so many things due to insane amount of information, access we have at our jeans pocket. A lot of people say ' Why read a book if there is a movie about that?', well, my friend, you are missing the excitement of how much details, information the original piece holds that turns into a 2h movie that deserved at least 7h worth of content. You might be thinking what books and movies have to do with online dating, but that applies to online dating as well, we just don't care about the real information that is the actual "Meaningful", about online dating.
When we are swiping left and right on someone's profile the first thing we see is their profile picture(oh really?), and there lies at least 80% of the final decision. Do I swipe left or right? Should I open his profile or not? Well, of course, there are exceptions, there is people out there that actually opens all profile before swiping left or right (i know someone who do that to everyone). What we are looking is actually a hard book cover and hoping that inside you are going to find the lost treasure of the ancient world! All we do is look for their look's, yes we do that, we do that way too much, that's why getting the perfect selfie with the perfect light, perfect make-up, tight shirt showing muscle-macho arms, are the most common thing we see in online dating profiles. Our chances of being liked is extremely high if we are good looking or if we look like good looking in that specific picture. Welcome to online dating, get your best picture, place as your hard book cover and wait the rain of likes. How many profiles we opened to get know a little more about them(of course after seeing they are good looking), that doesn't have a single thing on their biography? A " :) ", " Message me if you like ", "Text me Hi"....Well everyone have their own reasons to do that, but something is fishy there isn't? I call like them "Superficial people", if you are one of those and reading this and raging with anger, please do tell me why you think you aren't, you can give excuses for not writing anything like: I didn't have time, I'm lazy right now, i don't know what to write, i don't like to show my biography public so you have to ask me through message...Who are you trying to lie? Me? I stand strong with people who doesn't write anything in their profile are superficial, but you do what you want and feel good with that(not everyone that doesn't have a biography is superficial, but most are, are you?), like i said, nowadays what count is the cover, how great your looks are, so i get it, i understand that some "Blessed good looking born people" doesn't have to write anything in their profile and be showered with "alot of people interested in ourselves".
If we are really looking to meeting someone meaningful like a new friend, a relationship, a partner, a lover. We have to stop judging if you are we are going to swipe left or right based on their profile pictures and actually open their profiles and read what they have to say about themselves, that's where we should be aiming, the things things they are sharing their personalities like a funny guy, an intelligent girl, an assertive woman, a nerd guy(not talking about myself, I swear). We have to stop judging people only on their looks if we are going to hit a like or dislike. How many times we hear our friends telling us how bad was their date last night? Or even worse, how that guy broke her heart. Well, we all do mistakes about someone, we can only change ourselves, we can't change others, but we can get to know them before giving a step forward. The more we know about someone, the better will be your judgment if that person is the right one for you or not, if it's worth a shot or not( that you actually know the answer, but you still give a shot over beauty or "because one or two things we like about them and disregard the giant big red flags they have".
Now imagine if the online dating was a blind online dating? You can't see how they look like, but you can read what they have to say about themselves, you can text them back and forth, you can call them and hear their amazing voice, but you don't know what they look like, you can fall in love with someone that you never saw any picture of him before, amazing! We all heard that looks are only important at the first instance, but we still keep swiping left every time, even knowing what your mother, friends said that, and you above all you know that too, will you keep swiping left? We keep talking about getting to know someone who is meaningful, caring, loving, nice, we have to know their personalities and feel that we match, that we can have a deep sharing of emotions, through their actions, their words, their touch. Blind online dating doesn't look so bad if we think like that right? But who is willing to do a blind online dating? I have to say that only a few will be willing to do that, sadly, only a few, but the greatest part of that is, those people who are on a blind online dating are actually looking for someone that they can share their happiness, sadness together. All you have is text, all you have is information about their traits, maybe a voice, do you think you can fall in love with someone that you never saw before? I can, I know that almost everyone can too, of course, if they are willing to do something like that.
I'm not trying to talk bad about the current online dating, I'm saying that we should stop looking only to their profile pictures to have a better experience, to get to actually know people, not just look for looks, you might hit the jackpot with a beautiful stunning dude who is charming, caring and loving, but how many of those are out there? I always laugh when my aunt used to say that the best ones are either married or they are gay( Please, don't misunderstand me here, in my opinion, the majority of gay take a lot of their times on their looks, but even more important is how they love themselves, making wonderful people, I have some gay friends that they are amazing!). But going back to the fact that you are hoping for a jackpot, being able to pop up someone's profile and find things that you like, talking to them and feel connected and maybe falling in love for each other isn't much better than just looks? ( be honest with yourself). Attraction is heavily based on looks, but the best and lasting attraction is finding someone who loves and care for you honestly.
Remember this, we live on earth, we are humans, the gravity will make you full of wrinkles, saggy, we will all grow old, do you rather keep your entire life running after some beauties and probably die alone if not miserable with someone that you don't love and don't love you or you want to spend the rest of your life with someone ugly, average looking who will love you till he dies?
Okay so let me start talking about the real issue that we currently have with online dating.
They are really good, but we don't know how to fully use the extent of the online dating. Have you ever thought how people used to date before the internet? Cellphone? Well, they went out, met people outdoors, getting to know acquaintances of their known people. So... You are saying that we have to go out to have meet 'meaningful' people? Nooooooooooo! Imagine if your grandmother with 60+ years old joins tinder today, she never used the internet. How do you think she's going to use Tinder? (like everyone else duh), I don't think so, she will be thrilled to be able to connect with so many people at same time, being able to see people from the entire world in a small screen, knowing that she can talk to someone in the other side of the globe will be thrilling to her, don't you think so? She will love to able to talk with someone who speaks a language she only saw at movies, like French, Chinese, Spanish, being able to talk to someone who lives in Greece, talk about art, culture, education of anywhere in the globe, how awesome is that? It's amazing! But we forget that, we actually don't forget that, we just don't care, internet nowadays is a commodity that almost everyone has access, so if we are really interested in something we just pop up our phones and type on google search box, we stopped giving meaning to so many things due to insane amount of information, access we have at our jeans pocket. A lot of people say ' Why read a book if there is a movie about that?', well, my friend, you are missing the excitement of how much details, information the original piece holds that turns into a 2h movie that deserved at least 7h worth of content. You might be thinking what books and movies have to do with online dating, but that applies to online dating as well, we just don't care about the real information that is the actual "Meaningful", about online dating.
When we are swiping left and right on someone's profile the first thing we see is their profile picture(oh really?), and there lies at least 80% of the final decision. Do I swipe left or right? Should I open his profile or not? Well, of course, there are exceptions, there is people out there that actually opens all profile before swiping left or right (i know someone who do that to everyone). What we are looking is actually a hard book cover and hoping that inside you are going to find the lost treasure of the ancient world! All we do is look for their look's, yes we do that, we do that way too much, that's why getting the perfect selfie with the perfect light, perfect make-up, tight shirt showing muscle-macho arms, are the most common thing we see in online dating profiles. Our chances of being liked is extremely high if we are good looking or if we look like good looking in that specific picture. Welcome to online dating, get your best picture, place as your hard book cover and wait the rain of likes. How many profiles we opened to get know a little more about them(of course after seeing they are good looking), that doesn't have a single thing on their biography? A " :) ", " Message me if you like ", "Text me Hi"....Well everyone have their own reasons to do that, but something is fishy there isn't? I call like them "Superficial people", if you are one of those and reading this and raging with anger, please do tell me why you think you aren't, you can give excuses for not writing anything like: I didn't have time, I'm lazy right now, i don't know what to write, i don't like to show my biography public so you have to ask me through message...Who are you trying to lie? Me? I stand strong with people who doesn't write anything in their profile are superficial, but you do what you want and feel good with that(not everyone that doesn't have a biography is superficial, but most are, are you?), like i said, nowadays what count is the cover, how great your looks are, so i get it, i understand that some "Blessed good looking born people" doesn't have to write anything in their profile and be showered with "alot of people interested in ourselves".
If we are really looking to meeting someone meaningful like a new friend, a relationship, a partner, a lover. We have to stop judging if you are we are going to swipe left or right based on their profile pictures and actually open their profiles and read what they have to say about themselves, that's where we should be aiming, the things things they are sharing their personalities like a funny guy, an intelligent girl, an assertive woman, a nerd guy(not talking about myself, I swear). We have to stop judging people only on their looks if we are going to hit a like or dislike. How many times we hear our friends telling us how bad was their date last night? Or even worse, how that guy broke her heart. Well, we all do mistakes about someone, we can only change ourselves, we can't change others, but we can get to know them before giving a step forward. The more we know about someone, the better will be your judgment if that person is the right one for you or not, if it's worth a shot or not( that you actually know the answer, but you still give a shot over beauty or "because one or two things we like about them and disregard the giant big red flags they have".
Now imagine if the online dating was a blind online dating? You can't see how they look like, but you can read what they have to say about themselves, you can text them back and forth, you can call them and hear their amazing voice, but you don't know what they look like, you can fall in love with someone that you never saw any picture of him before, amazing! We all heard that looks are only important at the first instance, but we still keep swiping left every time, even knowing what your mother, friends said that, and you above all you know that too, will you keep swiping left? We keep talking about getting to know someone who is meaningful, caring, loving, nice, we have to know their personalities and feel that we match, that we can have a deep sharing of emotions, through their actions, their words, their touch. Blind online dating doesn't look so bad if we think like that right? But who is willing to do a blind online dating? I have to say that only a few will be willing to do that, sadly, only a few, but the greatest part of that is, those people who are on a blind online dating are actually looking for someone that they can share their happiness, sadness together. All you have is text, all you have is information about their traits, maybe a voice, do you think you can fall in love with someone that you never saw before? I can, I know that almost everyone can too, of course, if they are willing to do something like that.
I'm not trying to talk bad about the current online dating, I'm saying that we should stop looking only to their profile pictures to have a better experience, to get to actually know people, not just look for looks, you might hit the jackpot with a beautiful stunning dude who is charming, caring and loving, but how many of those are out there? I always laugh when my aunt used to say that the best ones are either married or they are gay( Please, don't misunderstand me here, in my opinion, the majority of gay take a lot of their times on their looks, but even more important is how they love themselves, making wonderful people, I have some gay friends that they are amazing!). But going back to the fact that you are hoping for a jackpot, being able to pop up someone's profile and find things that you like, talking to them and feel connected and maybe falling in love for each other isn't much better than just looks? ( be honest with yourself). Attraction is heavily based on looks, but the best and lasting attraction is finding someone who loves and care for you honestly.
Remember this, we live on earth, we are humans, the gravity will make you full of wrinkles, saggy, we will all grow old, do you rather keep your entire life running after some beauties and probably die alone if not miserable with someone that you don't love and don't love you or you want to spend the rest of your life with someone ugly, average looking who will love you till he dies?
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