Trust me, you are okay

I'm a volunteer at 7Cups, a listener. 7Cups is a website which provides online therapy and free support to people experiencing emotional distress by connecting them with trained listeners. In most cases, I end up counseling instead of just listening, and there is something I would like to tell most of the people I connect every day. Everyone has problems and accepting that will only bring you joy.

"Relax, you're okay."

Many people come to me identifying themselves having " Major lifetime" problems, when in fact those problems are actually natural ebbs and flows of life. Sometimes we are up and sometimes we are down and for some reason, we forget that that is okay.

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The Paradox.

Let's say you have a low self-esteem and keep blaming yourself for everything. You believe that everything you do suck and you are more or less fucked up in life. The more you try to stop believing that you suck, more evidence you will bring to yourself that you are fucked up, after all, if you weren't you wouldn't be wishing all day long you are not fucked up, right?

It's a catch. In external aspects desire is useful. Want a smoking hot body for summer? Then, set a schedule to work out and eat less. Want to pass the test next week? Then discipline yourself to study your ass off and nail it.

But it's different when, the desire we have to stop or change how we feel (emotions) works in a paradoxical form, like wanting to stop being anxious then, that will only serve you to get even more anxious. (See THE REAL QUESTION THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.)

The challenge of self-acceptance. Just accept ffs.

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Accepting self is the way out of the internal desire paradox, and yes, it's counter-intuitive again.... Paradoxically accepting the fact you are just not a confident person and understand that you will feel out of your cage around people. Will make you feel more comfortable around others and less anxious.


And that happens because you stop judging yourself for not being confident, and that makes you less anxious, and accepting the fact that you feel uncomfortable around other, and that makes you feel more comfortable since you stop judging yourself socially and that will make you feel less judged by you and from others.

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Accepting the fact you have a tendency to get depressed and the others are always happier than you and that's okay. Ironically, you will become a happier and accepting person. It's worth reminding that some of the most important people on history were depressive.

We are flooded with information every day of our lives and because of all that information, it's easy to accept the "standards" that society, in general, slaps us on the face. Everyone else is fit. Everyone else is happy. Everyone else is successful. Everyone else has dates and sex. But for some reason, you are not.

What is sold by tv and what is passed around the internet are exceptional situations, the easy solutions, the magic pills for perfection. It's in human nature to always look for something better, greater than ourselves. But when it's presented something better than us over and over again, every minute. Every hour. Every day. Every month, it's easy to internalize something is wrong with you, we feel that something is wrong with us. Ironically the self-help industry has a part in making you feel like shit. After all, they all say things like: You can be happy and eliminate all sadness and fears; You can have success and be rich by 40!; You can be popular and loved by everyone. And It's just not true...

We all are humans unless you are a monkey who that learned how to read, but nonetheless, we still are all imperfect, humans and monkeys, all creatures. We all have flaws and that's okay.

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I have come to accept the fact that meeting near people will always take a conscious effort on my end. I have drastically improved my social anxiety, but I'll never feel totally comfortable and at ease talking to everyone new around me without thinking about it, won't be something I'll feel natural with. That is just not me, and that's okay.

I have come to accept the fact that my relationship with my family has improved greatly in the past 4 years, It's never going to be great. And that's okay.

I have come to accept the fact that having an intimate relationship with someone new will always leave me a little uncomfortable even after improved so much with my sexual insecurities. And in some situations, I still feel a little off, and I understand and accept that. It's part of me, and that's okay. I'm okay

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Most people get depressed. Most people get insecure about their sexuality. Most people get dumped. Most people struggle to get over their exes. Most people get anxious. Most people have family problems. Many people grew up in abusive situations. Many people have low self-esteem and dependency issues. And everybody wants to be more motivated and successful.

These things suck, but they aren't new. And they are definitely not unique. Don't get me wrong, This isn't an excuse to do nothing about your problems. And I'm not saying your problems are nothing as well. It just means that you have to stop trying to be perfect. Because you will never be. Emotional issues never completely go, they always crawl back.

" Instead of trying to make your life perfect, give yourself the freedom to make it and adventure and go ever upward." - Drew Houston.

Perfection isn't some endpoint you achieve, but rather a process of improving oneself.  Doesn't matter how much you improve your life, there will always be more room for growth. Usain Bolt is considered the fastest man on earth, yet he was always training to be faster. Tiger Woods is considered the best golfer on earth, yet he was always training to be better. While many people see as a perfection of those two in their fields, they always thoughts they had room for more. 

There is no final goal. The perfect self self-does not exist. It never ends. What change is your acceptance of your place in the process.

" I suck at this, but that's OKAY. as long im workin on it, it's OKAY."

The perfection is a process of improvement. The perfection is the drive for endless growth. We are okay, we can be better. But I'm okay. You are okay. Trust me, accept that you are okay and you will be okay. If you still feel like you are not, then let me assure you that you are okay.

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